Hilarious reporting) Lepak in Beijing in 2010

 (Hilarious reporting) Lepak in Beijing in 2010

(Travel Story Series @ Hon Too Fang 2021)

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Hello my friends,

Most of you should have visited Beijing 北京. A visit to this capital city of China is really not worthy to be told. But I still do it because this story will be written in an unusual dialogue format. In a hilarious way. More to entertain rather than to inform. I have been changing my narration styles to make my stories interesting.

In mid-April 2010, 5 senior gentlemen, namely Take Ko, MS, Ah Fook, Da Feng and Elder went for a free-n-easy holiday in Beijing, China. 8 days. There were 3 accompanying senior ladies. The following is a live recording of the trip, in HD!

Hon, 29-4-2010

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Day 1:

Outside the Beijing South Train Station waiting for taxi to go to the hotel

Take Ko (the Teochew nang):  Wa-nia-kong, why so cold one! I thought it should be late spring already. 

Lady B: Ia lah, so cold, cannot tahan!

MS: I have already warned you it is still very cold, where is your fleece jacket?

Lady B: Fleece jacket too old lah, 2 years already, malu lah to bring! Luggage also too heavy!

MS: So you bring 4 pairs of shoes lah and 3 sets of bikini? Your cosmetic box is already 5 kg, sure over-weight lah.

Lady B: I don't want to talk to you!

Take Ko: Da Feng, why you choose this period, too cold for comfort!

Da Feng the Tour Director: Aiya, this year the weather is crazy. Spring is delayed by a month. We booked the air tickets 5 months ago, how to forecast such abnormality in weather?

Lady A: We don't care, you are still responsible for our misery. We want 3 days of shopping for compensation.

7 others in unison: Da Feng, you are fired as our Tour Director!

High-speed train

The high-speed train from Tianjin 天津 (our Air Asia flight landed here) to Beijing is operating at top speeds over 300 km/h, shown here at 328 km/h. 328 is 生意发 in Cantonese, the train sure having good business. Also at the waiting area of the Beijing South Railway Station.

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Forbidden City紫禁城 or 故宫

First built in 1406-1420, it is the palace of the Ming and Qing Dynasties. With an area of 720,000 sq m and over 980 buildings it is the largest surviving palace complex in the World. Divided into several sections like the royal garden, the outer palace and the inner palace. A UNESCO World Heritage site.

Vastness of the old palaces: Court of Supreme Harmony 太和广场 (area: 26,000 sq m) and Gate of Supreme Harmony 太和门 (big one on the left in the 2nd photo, a gate with built-up area 1,300 sq m). The terraces and the Golden River 金水河 meandering within the courts.

Gate of Divine Might 神武门, the main entrance gate at the north and a watch tower at one of the 4 corners, with the 10 m high wall.

The Royal Garden 御花園, with a pavilion named Pavilion of Abundance of Spring 万春亭. But we find little spring today, still cold like winter.

The main buildings include the Hall of Supreme Harmony 太和殿 which is used mainly for ceremonial purposes. It is the biggest building in the palace, located in the outer palace ground, shown in the 1st photo with LS and BH. The other building is the Palace of the Heavenly Purity 乾清宫, located in the inner palace ground. It was used as the residence by the Ming emperors and as the audience hall by the Qing emperors.

Giant bronze vats (fire-fighting purpose) and incense burners line the courts. Also ceramic tiles on the wall and a carved timber door panel.

Day 3:

8.30 am at the hotel lobby

MS (new Tour Director): We need to finalise the program for the day.

Da Feng (the ex-Tour Director): I think we cover the southern part first: the Temple of Heaven, Tiananmen Square, Opera House, etc.

3 ladies in unison: We want to go shopping

Ah Fook:  May be less walking today. My feet still hurt.

3 ladies in unison: We want to go shopping

Take Ko: Shopping also a lot of walking, Tiananmen Square also a lot of walking.

3 ladies in unison: We want to go shopping

MS: I think we can cover the antique market first, the ladies can sit in the cafe and wait.

3 ladies in unison: We want to go shopping

MS: Meeting adjourned to 9.00 am, cool down 30 minutes, then take a vote.

Day 3:

At the Temple of Heaven 天坛 

MS: I thought in Chinese culture, all the emperors are sons of Heaven. So the old emperor who is the father of the present emperor is also the son of Heaven. Then the old old emperor who is the grandfather of the present emperor is also the son of Heaven. Now in Heaven what is the relationship of this emperor with his father and his grandfather?

Da Feng: How could I know? I am not in heaven yet. Go Google!

MS: Why, last night your wife didn’t take you to Heaven eh?

Elder: The plaque here says touching this 600-year old cypress tree could bring you good health, particularly man's health. Why a tree has anything to do with man's health?

Take Ko: All marketing lah, like our Tongkat Ali. Of course this one is one step better, just touch will do! You come next year, they will say look at it at a distance will do, got wifi mah!

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Temple of Haven 天坛

This is a group of religious buildings where the Ming and Qing Emperors conduct their annual ceremony of prayer to heaven for a year of good harvest. It was built around the same time as the Forbidden City, completed in 1420. The area is 2.73 sq km, almost 4 times bigger than the Forbidden City. But there are only a few buildings. The other areas are parks.

It is also a UNESCO World Heritage site.

The big temple is the Qinian Dian 祈年殿 or Hall of Prayer for Good Harvest. It is 32 m in diameter and 38 m high. The exact function of the temple is not certain. It was originally the first building to be constructed here. The present version is a re-construction in the 1890s when the old one was badly damaged in a fire.

The Huangqiong Yu 皇穹宇 or the Imperial Vault of Heaven is a single-gabled circular building, smaller than the Hall of Prayer for Good Harvest. It is used to keep the instruments and props used in the actual prayer at the altar.

The Circular Mount Altar 圜丘坛 is the altar proper where the emperor performs the elaborate ritual of prayer. It is an empty circular platform resting on three levels of marble stones, each decorated by lavishly carved dragons. The lowest platform is 55 m in diameter.

Shown 2 other structures: the Gate to the Hall of Prayer for Good Harvest 祈年门 and

the smooth circular wall that surrounds most part of the Imperial Vault of Heaven. It is called an echo wall as it could transmit sounds over large distances.

And 2 old trees: one much smoother bark, one very much wrinkled because of not using facial cream. Joke aside, the 2nd tree is in fact a famous old tree here, called 九龙柏 or 9-dragon cypress, 500 years old.

Day 4:

At the Great Wall at Badaling

Ah Fook: This Badaling anything to do with our Petaling eh?

Da Feng: Yes, they are twins. The original Chinaman from Badaling came to Malaysia and settled down in a place they called Badaling. But the Malay officer at the Land Office got the name wrong and it became Petaling. 

Take Ko: How many towers do you all want to climb?

3 ladies in unison: Halfway to the 1st tower can eh?

Take Ko: You need to go to the 4th tower before you are given a cert to prove you are a hero. 

3 Ladies in unison: what about heroine, 1st tower?

MS: I already got my cert 16 years ago. The latest confirmation of my hero-ship came from my wife. She said last night I still performed like a hero! "Lou Hero"! Anyway I want to go to the 1st tower only, for old time.

Ah Fook: I got my cert last night at the night market. Signed by Chairman Hu.

Take Ko: That is a fake lah. Everything in China is fake. Look at the 2 papayas half hidden under the blouse of that lady. They must be fake!

Ah Fook: She is "ang moh" lah, not Chinese!

Take Ko: "Ang moh" not a minority tribe in China meh? They have over 100 minority tribes you know!

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Great Wall of China

The Great Wall of China is a series of fortification that were built across the northern borders of ancient Chinese states. Mainly for defence and control purposes. The earliest walls were built in the 7th century BC. The first emperor that unified China, Qin Shi Huang joined the sections together. Later many successive dynasties maintained and expanded the reach, in particular the Ming Dynasty. Today the wall spanned over 20,000 km, one of the World’s greatest engineering feat. It is of course a UNESCO World Heritage site. 

Badaling 八达岭is about 70 km from the city centre of Beijing. The wall at Badaling is the most visited section of the wall in China. Well maintained for the tourists. It was built in 1504 during the Ming Dynasty. The section open to the public is about 3.7 km. 

We were here on a gloomy and hazy afternoon with good crowd. Poor photographic opportunity. The 3rd photo shows LS at the stele claiming you have to come to the Great Wall before you call yourself a hero, typical Chinese tourism hype. The last photo is nostalgic, taken in 1994, when the same 4 high school classmates came to Beijing and visited the great wall at Badaling with their families. 16 years earlier.

(Note in 2021: one of the classmates passed away in 2015. So readers: treasure your relationship with your friends and love ones when they are still around.)

Ming Tombs 明陵 (Day 4)

The Ming Tombs are a collection of mausoleums built by the emperors of the Ming Dynasty. 13 out of 16 of the Ming emperors had their tombs here, hence the tombs are also collectively called the Thirteen Tombs of the Ming Dynasty 明十三陵. The tombs also included those of 23 empresses. The oldest is that of Emperor Yongle, the emperor who built the Forbidden City and the Temple of Heaven.  The tombs are located 45 km from the city centre, having an area of 40 sq km. A UNESCO World Heritage site.

Only 3 tombs are open to visitors. We visited one called Dingling 定陵, the tomb of Emperor Wanli万历皇帝 (reigned 1573-1619), and of his two empresses. His personal name is Zhu Yijun 朱翊钧. The tomb was built in six years (1584-1590), completed 29 years before he died. The built-up area of the mausoleum is 1,195 sq m. 

Beyond the entrance gate is a huge park with old trees and scattered rows of funeral vessels, 2nd photo. The 3rd photo shows part of the huge Virtue Stele 神功圣德碑亭with writing boasting the good deeds of the emperor. Of course good deeds only, not anything else! The ground is raised up in several terraced platforms towards the direction of the mausoleum. Several gates and pavilions along the pathway did not survive the course of history.

The tomb is underground below the building called Ming Pavilion 明楼 surrounded by a wall structure called Square Wall 方城. There is another stele inside the Ming Pavilion, this one listing the family tree of the emperor. And trees growing from the wall of the Square Wall.

The underground tomb has 5 rooms, relatively bare. Shown a passage way. The coffin and other treasures have been removed to safer places. Only some red boxes to represent them were around. Nevertheless the throne of one of the empresses is exhibited here, 2nd photo. The 3rd photo shows coins and currency notes thrown at the box representing the coffin of the emperor. Why? He needs more money meh? He needs life lah! The 1st photo is blurry because of low light in the underground area.

There is a museum here, displaying artefacts from the tombs. The most famous are the 4 crowns of the 2 empresses, with 1 shown in the 1st photo.

Day 5:

At the National Museum

MS (New Tour Director): Aiya, the museum is closed for this month for some minor renovation. Sorry lah.

Take Ko: This is most disappointing. I am bringing my wife for some serious professional valuation here and it is not open. She should be old enough to make a good museum piece. Should worth some money if I sell her to the museum.

Lady A: Museum piece? Wait till you go back to the hotel you will know.

7 others in unison: MS, you are fired as our Tour Director! 

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The Palace Museum 故宫博物院 (visited on Day 2)

We couldn't visit the National Museum. But we did visit the renowned Palace Museum at the Forbidden City 3 days ago. The museum was established in 1925 with artefacts mostly from the Ming and Qing Dynasties. Many of the buildings within the Forbidden City have been converted into exhibition halls. 

We visited only the ceramic and time-piece sections. Shown the exhibits at the ceramic section: 2 vases 唐三彩凤首壶 from the Tang Dynasty (618-909) and 青釉莲花尊dated to the Northern Dynasties (386-581). And 2 jars with lids:  青花云龙纹寿字盖罐dated to Jiajing 嘉靖period (1476-1519) of the Ming Dynasty and 粉彩转心瓶 from the Ming Dynasty (1367-1644).

At the time-piece section: A clock 铜镀金象驮琵琶摆钟made in England dated to 1770, and the other 紫檀嵌珐琅重檐楼阁更钟made by the palace craftsmen in the Forbidden City, dated to the Qianlong 乾隆period (1735-1796) of the Qing Dynasty.

Tiananmen Square 天安门广场 (Day 5)

Tiananmen 天安门or Gate of Heavenly Peace, is a gate in the wall of the old city built in 1415 during the Ming dynasty. The space fronting it, called Tiananmen Square, was built in 1651, and was enlarged fourfold in the 1950s. The present size is 765 m by 282 m. It is an important square that several significant events were held here, including the founding of the People’s Republic of China on October 1, 1949.

Shown two important buildings on the square: the National Museum located to the east, which we failed to visit and the Tiananmen gate itself, located to the north. Shown also a group photo with 2 ex-Red Guards, and the Chinese crowd.

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Day 6:
At a cafe in Hongqiao Market 红桥市场

Take Ko (new Tour Director): Let us take a rest and relax with a cup of coffee. I will go order.

MS: This Mocha not bad, Starbucks?

Take Ko: No, Lehmo Coffee.

Ah Fook: But the logo looks like Starbucks, cup looks like Starbucks, coffee smells like Starbucks, tastes like Starbucks, but not Starbucks!

Da Feng: How much a cup? 

Take Ko: From 26 to 32 Yuan.

MS: What? The fake one more expensive than the real Starbucks in Malaysia? Is there any EGM to approve the purchase? No transparency in your dealings lah. You tell them to jack up the price and take commissions eh?

7 others in unison: Take Ko, you are fired as our Tour Director!

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Hongqiao Market
Never knew a cup of coffee could be that well "decorated".

"Should beat you this time!" says the dismissed tour director! Channelling his anger elsewhere after being dismissed.

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Day 7

At the flea market at Panjiayuan 潘家园

Vendor A (hush-hush): You want genuine antique ceramic vase? Very old, silky smooth surface, good shape 36-24-36 (cm), newly unearthed, just put on the antique market, really authentic, cert from Sotheby, very good price: Yuan, US$, you from Taiwan? Taiwan dollar also can.

Vendor G (hush-hush): You want real fresh young girl? Very young, silky smooth skin, good shape 36-24-36 (inches), newly matured, just came on the meat market, no disease, cert from doctor, very good price: Yuan, US$, you from Taiwan? Taiwan dollar also can.

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Panjiayuan 潘家园

Panjiayuan is the biggest flea market in Beijing with over 4,000 shops or stalls. Founded in 1992 it has grown into a centre for arts and crafts. It is divided into several sections, like paintings and calligraphic scrolls, Buddhist arts, antique furniture, ceramics, craft items from the ethnic minorities, etc. 

The fake antique vases and a real antique exhibited at the Ming Tomb Museum 明陵博物馆. Anything remotely 36-24-36?

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Yihe Yuan 颐和园 
Yihe Yuan is an imperial garden mostly developed during the Qing Dynasty with an area of about 2.9 sq km. About three quarters of it is a lake called Kunming Lake 昆明湖 and the remaining part a 60-m high hill called Longevity Hill 万寿山. Believe it or not most of the lake was man-made with the excavated earth used to build up the hill. It started as a water supply/irrigation project in the mid-12th century when the Jin emperors chose Beijing as the capital and a palace was built around this area. The lake was greatly expanded during the Qianlong 乾隆period of the Qing Dynasty. On the hill there are over 3,000 buildings constructed over the years.

The English name used is Summer Palace which is really not very appropriate as the buildings were never really used by the Qing emperors as a palace. They are at most used as a transit accommodation. It is a UNESCO World Heritage site. 

We came to visit on a hazy afternoon and toured only the back part of the Longevity Hill, which is the less popular part. The 1st photo shows the main gate of the north entrance, rather deserted. Then a photo of the Xuzhou Street 苏州街 which is the recreation of a shopping street in the city of Xuzhou, the construction ordered by Emperor Qianlong 乾隆皇帝. 

Midway up the Longevity Hill is a group of Tibetan-style structures collectively called Four Great Regions 四大部洲.

At the top of the hill is the temple called Sea of Wisdom or Zhihuihai 智慧海built with bricks and decorated with green and yellow glazed titles. There are over 1,000 statues of Buddhist figures, mostly in the wall niches.

The 1st photo shows the front side of the Longevity Hill, taken near the peak. Beyond the faint tree line is the lake, but due the hazy condition, the lake could not be seen. The other photo shows the temple of Zhihuihai viewed from the front side of the hill.

(Note in 2021: Beijing in 2010 was a very populated city. Poor air quality. It was hazy most of the days, couldn’t see the sun at all.)

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Day 8:
At the hotel lobby in Tianjin, 8.30 am

Elder (the last Tour Director): Our flight is around 4 pm, we still have 3 or 4 hours to look see in Tianjin, anybody wants to go sight-seeing?

7 others in unison: ................... (complete silence)

Elder: If you want to look at more fake antique, there is a good antique market here. Anybody going?

7 others in unison..................... (complete silence)

Elder: Anybody wants to go shopping?

7 others in unison..................... (complete silence)

Elder: OK, I know everybody have had enough of China on this trip. I now declare the trip officially over!

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Photo show - virtual zoo in Beijing - some animals 

For longevity – the tortoise and the crane in the Forbidden City.

Be auspicious – the lion in the Forbidden City. The lion never lives in China. It becomes part of the Chinese culture due to its association with Buddhism.

For protection - ceramic animals on the roof in Yihe Yuan and the Forbidden City. The outermost figure is always a deity, leading a row of animals, some are legendary. The number of figures depends on the importance of the building. The highest is 10.

In culture - leaf art and sugar art (making of sugar candy).

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Special Photo

Levitation at the Forbidden City - this American tourist was trying to take his own photo in the levitated pose with the camera on a tripod and activating self-timer. But the timing was simply too difficult to synchronise. He failed several times. He was so happy when I shot for him. I was clueless as why he wanted to take this pose.

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Footnote

This is supposed to be a free-n-easy trip. But in reality nothing is free and nothing is easy. Enduring leg power is needed for sight-seeing in Beijing. Plenty of walking. It is actually a not-free-n-not-easy trip. 

We first went to China in 1994 and was "fascinated" by those public toilets without doors. But China has changed so much. On this trip we have encountered many "classy" public toilets. Better than Malaysia for sure. This one shows a public toilet at the Temple of Heaven. At the entrance is a foyer with nice chairs for one to sit and wait!

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That's all folks. Hope you are entertained.

(Note in 2021: of course most of the conversation mentioned did not take place, or wildly distorted. I believe the readers realise that.)

(First written in the email format in April 2010. Lightly revised to this PDF format in September 2021)